You Get to Choose

There comes a moment in time when you are faced with two decisions. Hold on tightly or completely surrender and let go. 

Either option you may face sadness, hardship and struggle. But you might also be surprised that when you face your fear and do the thing you are resisting the most, after the fear, sadness, struggle, comes complete freedom–where you can finally take a deep breath. 

A few months ago I was on the highest point of the roller coaster. Things were shifting at a rapid pace and every single moment of it was thrilling. I felt like I was on fire yet floating through the air. 

Until I wasn’t..

Until I was hit with a wave of emotion so intense I had no clue if I was going to be able to come to the surface to breathe. 

Luckily that emotion (energy in motion) only lasted about a week. The dust began to settle and I was finally able to take some deep breaths. 

Little did I know I was about to ride some of the biggest waves of my life, yet again. 

Things felt like they were blowing up in my face left to right. It was December, which was supposed to feel like the “happiest time of the year”.

I felt like I was just going through the motions. Stressed about all of the family celebrations that were coming up and yet I kept a smile on my face for the sake of my husband and children. 

Every morning that month, I sat with myself and thought about all of these different things that were coming my way. 

I felt like I was healing. I felt like I was making headway. Yet, for the most part, I was keeping it all inside. 

I guess I am being pretty vague but I will share more details in another post, because it is 38 years I feel like I am still unpacking. 

Lets get back to the point. 

I was looking within myself. It's what I do. Some may call it overthinking. Some may call it over processing. Call it what you want, but for me its part of my own journey of self awareness and healing. 

I was able to get through the month and the start of the New Year felt promising. 

Well 2025 (its only the 23rd of the month–only 23 days into 2025) and it feels like 2024 was lifetimes ago already. 

It felt like I ended 2024 in a dark night of the soul. Which is super uncomfortable and yet I also feel like I am sitting in the cusp of a sling shot ready to get blasted off into the next greatest chapter of my life. 

I have learned that I can resist the healing that needs to be done. Or I can sit in the midst of the pile of poop and deal with what is being served to me. I can avoid it or I can move through it. And let me tell you, avoiding it is not an option. Unless you plan to want to just get faced with the same bs all over again in the future. 

So here I am. I feel like I have moved through some big stuff. I am letting go and surrendering still. I had to make a decision, although so fucking hard, I had to choose. 

No one said it would be easy, but I remind myself daily, it will be worth it. 

I went through all of the emotions and I am creating an intention that when something comes up again, can we just not have such a roller coaster ride. Maybe it can be just a bit more smooth sailing. 

If you feel like you have been on a roller coaster of emotions or energy lately. Please reach out. I am here for you.